10 Principles for Guarding Intimacy in Marriage Part 2

Reading through the Old Testament, I noticed the principles found in the 10 commandments could also be applied as healthy boundaries for intimacy in marriage.
Say what?!
Yep!
The Egyptians used rules and regulations to oppress, but God used the law as a way to put boundaries around the Israelites to help them stay in right relationship-intimate relationship-with Him. The law also leads all people to Christ. “So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith.” Galatians 3:24(NIV)
I’m not talking about using them as legalistic binding laws in our marriages, simply principles that can guide us in our decisions. Over the next few weeks, we’ll take a look at the commandments and suggestions on how the principles can be applied to help guard intimacy with our spouse.
“You shall have no other gods before me.” Exodus 20:3
For a marriage, it might sound more like, “other than God, no one should come before your spouse.” 
Not even our kids.It might feel like the kids demand so much there is no way you can put your spouse first. You have to be intentional to keep the husband and wife roles center stage during the season of raising kids. That will look different depending on the intensity of the stage your kids are in.
A couple of suggestions include:
·   Make time to listen to each other. Really listen. Even if it’s for one minute at a time. Look into each other’s eyes. Ignore the cries of your child (they really will survive for a couple of minutes for you to come pick them up or feed them) and FOCUS 100% on your spouse and what they are communicating. Beyond the words. Hear their heart.
·   Trust someone else with your kids. Even if it’s only long enough to go for a walk around the block with your spouse. Be somewhere your kids are not. You don’t even have to talk. Just be together in the quiet. It will help you remember you are more than just mom and dad.
Beyond kids, be on guard against friendships taking greater importance than your marriage. Whether these relationships are face to face or virtual.
Connecting with these friends when your spouse is not around does not put you in the clear on this. It can be easy to use up all our energy for connections before our spouse walks through the door.
While there is no doubt we can build valuable relationships over the internet, we can be fooled into thinking these faces through the computer understand us better than our spouses do. Keep in mind how easy it is to color reality when you only see what the other person wants you to see.

I’m not saying give up altogether on other friendships, just make sure they are not taking up so much space in your heart there is no room for your spouse. 
Sometimes a spouse does not cooperate on this point. Sometimes reality screams to find someone else to fill the gap because your spouse is not stepping up to the plate in some way. Remember, you are only responsible for your part. Make yourself available. Pray that the more he sees you step away from others, he will step closer to you. 
If you find you are spending more time and/or emotional energy on someone other than your spouse, step back and refocus priorities. After God, your spouse should be nest on your priority list. 

Are you putting another relationship before your spouse?  
Do you need to step back from a relationship to allow room for your spouse?

About Angela D. Meyer

Angela D. Meyer writes fiction that showcases God’s ability to redeem and restore the brokenness in our lives. She is the author of This Side of Yesterday, The Jukebox Cafe (a part of Hope is Born: A Mosaic Christmas Anthology) and the Applewood Hill series. Angela is a member of American Christian Fiction Authors and has served on the leadership team of her local writers’ group, Wordsowers. Angela currently lives in NE with her husband. They have two children, both of whom they homeschooled and graduated. Lucy, a green eyed, orange tabby, who loves popcorn rounds out their family. Angela enjoys sunrises and sunsets, the ocean when she gets a chance to visit, and hopes to ride in a hot air balloon someday.

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