We’re about halfway through principles from the 10 commandments that can be applied to guarding intimacy with our spouse. Not legalistic, binding laws, but principles to guide us in our decisions.
Honor your father and mother. Exodus 20:12
For marriages it goes something like this: Be sure you keep a right relationship with your parents even after you’re married.
First let’s establish a couple of things. We live in a culture where leaving our parents is expected. It is good and natural and right and necessary. A husband and wife need space to make their own decisions an build their own family. Parents need to let go.
Second, God said to honor your parents. No qualifications. Not just until you leave home. Or only if they deserve it. Just plain and simple: honor them.
Here are several ways to honor your parents when you have your own family.
Listen to their advice. As a child you needed to obey their directives to honor them. As an adult you need only consider their advice. Listening to and possibly taking advice from your parents does not mean they are controlling your life. Even if your parents treat it as though they are in control. It is still your choice how you live your life.
Set aside time to be with your parents. If you’re close, stop in on them. If you are long distance, set aside time to communicate via phone, the internet or snail mail. In healthy relationships, when parents feel honored, they are less likely to want to intrude on your new family.
Forgive them. Many people have some grudge or serious offense from their family of origin. Let it go and forgive. If something needs to be worked out, work it out. See a counselor or whatever you need to do to leave it in the past. Unforgiveness hurts you more than it hurts them because of bitterness that can take root in your heart and color all of your relationships.
Set healthy boundaries. Boundaries are good. They help define families. Make sure you set them in kindness and love. Not out of fear. Not out of hate or unforgiveness.
Honoring your parents is important because it frees up emotional energy you can spend on your family instead of the tug of war with your family of origin over their place in your life. You are also showing your kids what it means to honor their parents (you). But more importantly, you need to honor your parents because God asked you to and He promises long life to those who do. And long life is good news for your family.
Have you been honoring your parents or
playing tug of war for control of your life?
How can you begin to show your parents greater honor?
