Listen to Your Spouse
Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue
Proverbs 17:28 NIV
Listening to our husband’s heart and encouraging his dreams let him know that he is important to us. This fosters intimacy.
When he comes home with what appears to be a hair brained scheme, cutting down his idea with “that would never work” destroys a desire for connection. Instead, if we ask questions and if he is really serious, encourage him to research the possibilities, he may see for himself that it wouldn’t work or you may see that it’s a wonderful idea. Either way, it’s a win win.
When he comes home from work wanting to share what happened during his day and we listen even if you don’t understand the details, we build the bridge to emotional connection that as women we desire. It’s a simple place to start.
When we go through tough spots in our marriage, when there are hurts and betrayal, the last thing we may want to do is listen to our husband’s heart. But hearing what is at the root of the problem will help us move past the symptoms of the issue.
For example, believe it or not, when a man delves into pornography, he is really seeking intimacy. A man expresses intimacy through the physical relationship. (While the woman needs the emotional connection). In a sexual addiction, no matter how much he loves his wife, a man makes these choices because of a deep need for that intimacy. The inability to experience healthy intimacy with his wife may be rooted in his childhood wounds.
Viewing pornography physically changes the brain chemicals in a man. Talking and listening (and getting help) can lead to understanding his addiction, which can lead to compassion, which can lead to the possibility of true healing from the hurts and restoration of the marriage.
Whether it is sexual addiction or some other offense, it seems unfair when the one hurt is asked to step outside of their own pain long enough to help the very person who has hurt them. That does not mean we deny the pain. Or that we allow the hurtful behavior to continue. It still needs to be dealt with and there still need to be consequences.
If the pain and hurts are fresh, this is hard to hear. Bookmark it for another day. But for the rest of us, it is important to know that our compassion gives them hope. It gives them vision for what the future can hold. (…where there is no vision, the people perish…Proverbs 29:18 KJV)
It means that we have an opportunity to participate in Christ’s suffering. He did the same thing for us – giving his life for us while we were still sinners. When we listen to our husband’s heart we open the way for restoration not only in the marriage but in his relationship to Christ.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Philippians 2:3-5
Are you a good listener in your marriage?
Photo credit: www.freedigitalphotos.net //Michal Marcol
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I totally agree, Angela. And this is a perfect storm for a man to find someone who "will" listen to him, if his wife won't. I'm not saying the wife would be responsible for his choice to stray, but we, as wives, certainly can make it much less likely when we give to our spouses like Christ gives unconditionally to us. Great words!
Unconditional love is a salve that helps heal the wounded.So hard to give after the pain of betrayal,yet necessary for restoration.
Blessings!
Good post!